On Love and Friendship in Sailor Moon

I was asked on Tumblr to talk about how I view the love shared between Usagi and each of her senshi, and Usagi and Mamoru.

So at the top, love is expressed in many ways. You can interpret its intent however you want! And at the end of the day, Usagi truly is the real winner, because I think while her dream is listed as being a bride, her truest dream is to be happy with everyone she loves (which is A LONG LIST, Usagi just collects pretty people)

We’ll start with Minako, my complex beautiful child, who I think expresses her love through physical care. We saw this in Classic, when Minako was like “girl, chill about your evil boyfriend, let me brush your hair and maybe we’ll go get it all chopped off and you can be super stylish”. This lets Minako be super close to Usagi, a special kind of intimacy; they’re two of a kind, the princess and her chief bodyguard, and I like to think of this time as a holdover from the Silver Millennium. Venus may have spent this quiet time with Serenity at the end of the day, just talking and helping each other relieve their burdens.

Today, this also expands into makeover days. Our blonde whirlwinds can often be found perusing makeup shops and trying out perfumes (and realizing they spent their allowances too early at the first store and spend the rest of the day window shopping). I think they both spend the whole day talking about anything they like and that anything goes, but by the end of the day they’ve run out of lighter topics and they might find themselves at a park, sitting on swings, talking about their worries as Senshi and the future. I don’t think Minako has many people who can share her worries, but I think because Usagi understands – because Usagi is under just as much pressure not to screw everything up (though if Minako screws up, Usagi’s dead) – they can talk freely about their fears. They can be completely honest with one another, and then leave it off the table for the others. And so Usagi loves Minako with empathy.

Makoto is also easy: she shows her love through her cooking (which Usagi enthusiastically appreciates). Not only by giving Usagi free reign to come over and taste-test whenever she wants, but by teaching her how to cook and bake better. That part is touch and go, but we do know that by SuperS at least Usagi can make a decent curry. And Mako-chan is nothing but patience, so their quiet time in her kitchen is helpful, without anyone else there to watch or judge. (Usagi never gets fantastic at it, but she feels a little less hopeless over time) I also think that just having this quiet, clean, welcoming space (no parents or cats or siblings or monsters or expectations) is good for Usagi. (for Minako as well. I think Minako spends a lot of time at Mako’s to get away from her overbearing mother) Usagi thrives on people and life, but I see her as needing a space where she can still have all of that but let herself calm down too. Mako’s place is perfect for that: it’s just her, someone Usagi loves, and no other expectations of her.

And in return, Usagi shows her love by just being there. We know the girls have all felt loneliness before Usagi (hello, R movie plot), but I think Makoto more than anyone else just needs someone with a huge, loving heart in her life to mirror her own big heart – partly why I think most, if not all, of the girls have their own keys to Mako’s place, just in case. Usagi fills an entire room when she enters it. She’d befriend Mako’s houseplants if she could. So Mako’s apartment might be a little lonelier – and a little messier – after Usagi leaves, but she leaves a little more love in it than there was before she came. So even though she’s alone in the apartment, Mako’s never really lonely after Usagi’s left.

Next is Ami, who despite her best intent to nourish Usagi’s brain, shows her love through new experiences. Our shy little genius has grown out of her shell quite a lot since we first met her and credit can be given to all of the girls about that, but Usagi was her first friend. And in a lot of ways I think PGSM got Ami exactly right, mostly in this line of thinking where “if I do {x} then Usagi will like me more and never leave me!” which, like, is demonstrably a huge problem, but understandable in her character’s construction. Other incarnations of Ami were way less of this, but I can’t help but think there was at least a thread of it that led to PGSM Ami. ANYWAY, character analysis aside, Ami might come to the conclusion that perhaps bowing out of or participating the least in Usagi’s latest ‘THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER LET’S DO IT’ idea isn’t always the best. So maybe she goes and doesn’t bring a book. (she’s better about it after they get into high school) Or maybe she finds something she thinks Usagi will enjoy and suggests that they go. And eventually they just have little days out together, experiencing things that 13-year old Ami would never have dreamed of but 16-year old Ami finds that she enjoys much more than she ever would have expected.

And I think Usagi loves Ami through patience – something our bunny of very excitable nature isn’t always the best at. Ami studies things, Ami holds up the line because she’s reading every last detail of the plaque on the wall, Ami could spend hours watching one thing just to pick out the piece she doesn’t get and finally understand it. And Usagi doesn’t complain. She doesn’t put up a fuss or pout, because she knows this is just how Ami is. When it’s just the two of them it’s easier to take in a moment and let it breathe; when it’s the five Inners, Usagi gets a little more restless, trying to juggle all of their different energies and needs, and maybe hustles Ami along a little more. But when it’s just them it’s a moment of quiet that they both need. And I think that ultimately would give Usagi some beneficial skills for when she someday becomes queen – out of all the girls, I see Mercury sitting at Serenity’s side during important meetings just as clearly as I see Endymion. Mercury’s presence takes them back to these outings as girls, making Serenity remember that it’s important to soak in everything she can to make the right decisions.

Last for the Inners is Rei and good grief I think it’s a shorter list to say how Rei DOESN’T show she loves Usagi. But I guess aside from trivial things Rei’s biggest show of love is encouragement. Now, because she’s Rei she shows it a little more… aggressively than is strictly necessary sometimes (I do have a seriously hard time liking Rei sometimes, doesn’t matter the incarnation, but I appreciate where she’s coming from. Expressing it well is just very hard for her), but in the end she just wants Usagi – and everyone else – to become their very best selves. So she pushes and she pushes hard, but above all else she supports Usagi while she’s pushing her. She might come off as “well you have to do this thing and I’m not going to help you” but she and everyone else knows that if Usagi was truly about to fuck something up, she’d be there in a heartbeat to help her not fuck it up. Rei knows when Usagi can actually do the thing and just needs the swift kick in the ass to actually do it, and when Usagi actually can’t do the thing without assistance.

And Usagi? She loves Rei through kindness. She never wants to change who Rei is, but simply by being around her Usagi helps blunt Rei’s edges. Usagi helps Rei forgive some of the tragedies in her past – never fully, in some cases (*coughDietmanHinocough*) but actually helps hone Rei’s anger at the injustices of her past into productive things. We go from grouchy Classic Rei who spends a lot of time hidden away in Hikawa and not knowing How To People very well to “I’m going to TAKE OVER THE WORLD JUST TRY AND FUCKING STOP ME LOOK AT ALL OF MY SUCCESS DREAMS” Rei in SuperS (who can still be grouchy but only to people she doesn’t care about) And I, and probably Rei, would give a lot of credit to Usagi’s unrelenting kind heart for that change. (and, y’know, a healthy bout of monster-of-the-week-asskicking as therapy, but whatever works for you, y’know?) I think Rei, like Minako, just needs someone around who gets her for who she is and lets her be that. And that’s Usagi. Their closeness completely shows that they’ve spent a lot of time offscreen just coming to understand one another better (how Rei can push Usagi further and how Usagi can… I don’t want to say “gentle” her, because in no universe would you say Rei is “gentle” outside of like, animals, but I guess just blunting her sharp edges is the best I can come up with. Killing her with unrelenting kindness???)

And now we move on to the Outers.

I think a lot of Haruka’s love comes in the form of material things, mostly because until she met Michiru, she wasn’t really into the whole… personal everything. Haruka is super awkward with people when you put her under a microscope; to the outside she’s a very cool, suave person. That’s her media persona, the 16-year old racing genius who’s had to understand the importance between personal and private life for God knows how long. But under that is someone who is still very unsure of herself around people. People don’t have guidebooks. There aren’t any manuals like there are with an engine. But most of the time people respond well to material objects and attention, so that’s how Haruka operates at first – with her media persona. We saw a lot of early-Haruka interactions as very cool (in every sense of the word) and very flirty (because Haruka + pretty girls in any situation will end up with flirting) because that’s how people (girls) respond the best. But later we see her loosening up, being openly affectionate with people she loves. Little gestures, but coming from her they mean a lot, because she wasn’t like that before Michiru and before Pharaoh 90.

And I think Usagi shows her love in the form of physical affection as well (taken how you will). She’s a very huggy person, but she and Haruka are more touchy-feely than Usagi is with most of the others. I think a lot of it comes from Haruka’s overly protective nature and how she sees Usagi as a Very Smol Bun Who Must Be Protected, but there’s a lot of arm touches and face touches and protective hugs and sorry I need to step away because I have a lot of unresolved Harusagi feelings needless to say they love each other very much because they both know they’d die for one another and they both know that they’d both do their best to make sure the other DIDN’T die for each another and adljksafdkljadf

Okay I’m calm. haruka loves usagi most

Michiru is an interesting case. I think the relationship she has with Usagi can be very much like the relationship Usagi has with Rei, only where Rei runs hot, Michiru runs cold – because really, Michiru is what Rei could have been if Rei’s anger had turned to cold rage. (I have written at length about Michiru and I could write more because holy fuck I have grown to love Michiru more the older I’ve gotten) But where Michiru’s initial love for her princess was urging her to grow up faster, pushing her in ways Usagi wasn’t ready to be pushed, she’s gentled some after the initial threat that caused her to awaken. She recognizes how Usagi operates now; while she still encourages Usagi, I think she’s turned her attentions to specific ways to encourage her. I mentioned in the ficlet that she might encourage Usagi’s doodles into something more artistic. But I just had the most wonderful thought that’s just so fucking Michiru – I could see her teaching Usagi to weaponize her femininity. The thing with Michiru is that she got stripped down to the bare essentials fast – somehow turned Senshi at a young age, operating alone (much like Venus), but with the added idea of all this fame and fortune she already has on top of it. She’s so fucking isolated in her life. And she cuts into the core of someone like a motherfucking boss while never smudging her makeup or putting a hair out of place.

And Usagi, how many episodes are about her learning to be more graceful or ladylike? How many internal monologues about how she wishes she were more like {x}? Michiru could do that. I think after their initial encounter in S, Michiru and Haruka have their grand ol’ sex tour and Michiru lets her hair down a little, she’d be a little more patient and understanding with Usagi’s inherent clumsiness. (she’d have her moments of impatience, but I think sometimes that’s good for Usagi. Where she gets the Good Cop Bad Cop treatment from separate people in her Inners friend group, she gets that rolled into one from Michiru) So that graceful Queen Serenity that Chibiusa waxes on about? All Michiru. I don’t see Serenity ever delivering quite as cutting a line as Michiru can, but if someone pushes her too much and she loses her temper? Well, if Neptune’s in the room she might excuse herself to bask in that little bit of success before returning as the stern-faced guardian.

As for Usagi, I think she loves Michiru in much the same way as she loves Rei. I also think Usagi’s presence allows Michiru to feel like she’s actually 16-17 years old, rather than this stern, infinite, untouchable guardian presence of Neptune. I think Usagi can get Michiru to let loose and show her silly side, have a little bit of fun. (I think Haruka does that too, but both of these blonde menaces in Michiru’s life basically just tag-team her on how to have fun)

WELL, THREE PARAGRAPHS ABOUT MICHIRU LATER, LET’S TALK SETSUNA. Actually, she’s a bit of an enigma (golly, you don’t say) but I think Setsuna shows her love through protection. She’s very distant but once we know about her, we know she’s always around in the background. She has a very specific kind of love for Chibiusa, and I think most of her affection gets channeled there, but once she meets Usagi personally I believe there’s a bit more oomph to her protective nature. I mean, she’s watched Usagi die a few times across a few lifetimes. That’s gonna suck as it is, but once she knows her personally? She’s gonna do what she’s gotta do to make sure that stops happening. Like, we get a lot of big bads, but just think of how big and bad they have to be to make it past Pluto. And Pluto knows it, so that’s when she pops in with her surprise ice creams to deliver warnings; if it gets past her again, it does everyone no good to be caught unawares.

I actually can’t think of how Usagi might love Setsuna in return. I think she respects her heaps, but I don’t know how she would figure to get to this ancient, distant person who’s literally been watching her for millennia. Maybe… maybe the way Usagi loves Setsuna is indirectly – Chibiusa. Usagi doesn’t know how, but she knows that Chibiusa one day becomes Pluto’s dear friend, so she lets Chibiusa find the Time-Space Door (intentionally leads her there somehow?) Maybe by letting her daughter – the fruit of her love with Mamoru, the bubbly little girl who is so misunderstood by many – pour all of her love into Pluto, Usagi can give Pluto the best love of all. After all, no one better understands being misunderstood than a woman who has spent literal ages alone, boiling down to little more than a myth to everyone on the outside.

And then there’s Hotaru, who is another puzzle, but mostly because we hardly see them interact. I think Hotaru’s love is in the form of respect – I think she’s the one who really starts showing Usagi respect as the future queen, or respect as the mother of her most cherished friend, or respect as a warrior… even respect as the young woman who almost died just to prove that Hotaru didn’t have to die to save everyone. And I think that’s very off-putting to Usagi at first, but it inevitably eases her further into the idea of what lies in her future.

As for the return love, Usagi loves her by treating her no differently than anyone else. I think Hotaru, with multiple memory lines running through her head, might have a hard time with things – going to school, living a normal life though she’s the incarnation of the goddess of death, etc. And actually I think Usagi might show love by being sympathetic: she knows what it’s like to have terrifying amounts of power and balancing that with doing mundane things like studying for exams and listening to people gossip about who’s going on a date with whom. Where Hotaru is death, Usagi is life. They’re opposite sides of a coin, even in coloring. And I think Usagi would be a very powerful presence in Hotaru’s life – who else really, truly gets this crazy life? How are you expected to even function with this kind of life, existing under these shadows of things that have happened in a life you aren’t living anymore, breathe when you’ve been the cause of so many last breaths?

And Usagi gets that. Usagi so understands it.

And it takes a while, but through Usagi I think Hotaru can truly embrace that she’s not only the Senshi of Destruction, but also of Rebirth.

And finally Mamoru.

They love each other the same. I think they try to treat each other as normally as they can, in this completely not-normal life they’re living. I think they try to balance one another out – Usagi comes over early on her days off and they watch anime in pajamas on Mamoru’s couch, Mamoru takes her out to the botanical gardens or museums or tea ceremonies. Usagi tries to get him to have fun, study less; Mamoru tries to get her to study more, but still find time for fun. I think that they might have a hard time with balance, especially as they get older and the future they know looms closer.

I think they love each other but it’s stressful.

I think they worry about fate and if anything they do is their choice or if it’s all set up already and they’re just chess pieces in the board of life. I think it takes a long time – late into Usagi’s high school career, even later possibly – before they feel like they can actually talk about that and their fears about the future. I think they spend a lot of time tiptoeing around and worrying if their feelings are real or just some holdover from a life that doesn’t exist and it finally all comes to a head and there’s a lot of fighting and tears and misunderstood intent and someone shuts themselves in the bathroom for an hour to calm down and there’s angry texts to the girls. There’s eight mediators pinging in on two different phones in the same apartment with too many walls separating them.

I don’t know if they decide fuck fate or not that night, but I think someone comes out of the bathroom and they just sit on Mamoru’s bed and have the most raw conversation they’ll ever have – in any lifetime.

It hurts. Usagi talks about her fears, like her abandonment issues. Mamoru talks about his fears, like how he feels like he’ll never be good enough for her. They talk for hours. It hurts, but it’s real, and the sun’s coming up by the time they’ve run out of words to say.

But they know they love each other. And they share the same fears. And they understand the other’s worries – maybe not completely understanding some of them, but the air has been cleared.

And I think they love each other. For real. Not because of some red string of fate or prophecy or a future that’s not even set in stone yet, but because they’re two people who have just spent the entire night baring their souls, after years of protecting one another and watching each other toss themselves in the face of certain death, after years of figuring out what their daily lives were like but maybe not ever talking about what kept them up at night.

And I think eventually they find their balance. They love each other by finding balance.